You Don’t Actually Want Closure From Him, Sis : Here’s What You’re Really Chasing

Let’s have a real talk moment. You keep telling yourself you just need closure. One little conversation. A final text. Maybe a voice note where he admits you were the best thing that ever happened to him and begs for your forgiveness. You swear if you could just get some clarity, you’d finally be able to move on.

But let’s be honest for a second. That’s not what you’re really after. And deep down, you know it.

The truth is, closure is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves after a breakup. It’s the emotional equivalent of “one last drink” before starting a diet or “one last text” before blocking his number. It is not about getting answers. It is about getting another hit of his attention. And babe, you deserve so much better.

So let’s pull the curtain back on this whole closure fantasy and get real about what you’re actually craving and how to finally give it to yourself.

Pop culture loves to romanticize closure. Movies make it seem like one heart-to-heart over coffee will magically heal years of toxic behavior. That scene where the ex tearfully confesses his regrets and sets you free? Pure fiction. In real life, closure rarely looks like that. Most of the time it is messy, awkward or nonexistent.

The harsh truth is that the person who hurt you cannot heal you. Waiting on him to explain his behavior, apologize the right way or make you feel seen is like ordering a salad at a burger joint and getting mad when it is trash. He was not capable of giving you what you needed in the relationship, so why would he suddenly turn into a self-aware, emotionally intelligent king now?

Spoiler alert: He won’t.

When you say you want closure, what you are actually searching for is one of three things:

You want him to admit he messed up. That you mattered. That he regrets losing you. And honestly, who wouldn’t? You are a whole experience. Of course you want to hear you were unforgettable.

But here’s the plot twist. Even if he says those words, it won’t land the way you think it will. Because if your self-worth is tied to his approval, you’ll always be chasing his next reaction. You do not need him to validate what you already know: you were good to him. You showed up. You loved hard. That is enough. Period.

Maybe closure feels like a second chance. A secret hope that if you meet up for that conversation, he will realize what he lost and ask for you back. Be honest : part of you wants him to choose you now, when it is too late.

But babe, you choosing yourself is the only choice that matters. If he could not see your worth when he had you, his opinion now is irrelevant. Do not confuse nostalgia with compatibility. Just because you miss him does not mean you belong with him.

Breakups feel chaotic. One minute you’re in love and planning vacations, the next you’re spiraling in your room eating cereal at 2 a.m. Closure feels like a way to regain control of the narrative. You think if you can just understand why, you’ll be able to put it to rest.

But most endings are messy and senseless. People hurt other people because they’re broken, confused or selfish; not because you did anything wrong. Accepting that you might never get a satisfying reason is painful but also freeing.

If you cannot get it from him, where do you get it? From you, boo. Always from you.

Get all of it out. The anger. The sadness. The petty. Tell him how badly he broke your heart and how you hope he steps on a Lego every day for the rest of his life. Then burn it. Rip it up. Let it go.

Stop framing yourself as the girl he left and start seeing yourself as the woman who outgrew him. Shift the narrative. He did not walk away from you. He fumbled you. And now you get to level up without the dead weight.

Every relationship teaches you something about yourself. Maybe you learned how deeply you can love. Maybe you realized you ignore red flags when the chemistry is fire. Either way, take the lessons and leave the baggage. Growth is the best revenge.

Post the fire selfie. Take yourself to brunch. Buy the flowers. Celebrate the fact that you are the one constant in your own life. Start doing things that make you feel powerful, beautiful and whole. Not for him to see, but for you to feel.

Let’s keep it all the way real. Even if he did come back with a grand apology, you’d still have trust issues. You’d still remember the nights you cried yourself to sleep while he was out doing who-knows-what. You deserve better than recycled love.

Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is accept that the story did not end the way you wanted, but you get to write the sequel. And sis, this next chapter is about you.

You know, Closure is not a conversation. It is a decision. It is you waking up one morning and choosing not to let someone’s inability to love you properly define your worth. It is deleting the old messages. It is taking a deep breath when his name pops up and not reacting. It is reminding yourself you are the prize, every single day.

So the next time you catch yourself romanticizing the idea of closure, remember this: you do not need him to set you free. You were always free. You just forgot for a minute.

Now go remind the world exactly who you are.